My Blog

This morning while
walking to work, there was this car that drove by us at a turn. After it passes
the corner turn, a young cat was seen jumping and leaping into the air, head
pointing downward. It is only when I saw blood goosing out of it mouth did I
realize what just took place. Apparently, the cat couldn’t dodge the car in
time and must been hit or ran over it tiny frontal head. It took an agonizing
10 sec or before it ceases it kicking and lay still in the middle of the
road.               
      

My sister was like
cursing and swearing at the driver, for not even slowing down or even stopping
the car after hitting that cat. But in my mind, all I can think of it is last
few moments of fruitless struggles to rip itself of the pain. It is that last kick
before everything when back to the stillness and serenity of the morning that
strikes me that a life has been lost. Could that have been avoided if the car
has been slower? Or if we will faster in our pace, we might have actually cross
path with the car, hence slows it down and save the cat? I got so used to
seeing that cat around, from when it was just a kitty till today. Sigh, shit
happen even when everything seem so perfectly normal and peaceful.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. “Which road do I take?” she asked. “Where do you want to go?” was his response. “I don’t know,” Alice answered. “Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.” - Lewis Carroll

No one really knows why they are born or what they will be, and that’s why in life we are often clueless when at cross road. Unless you figure out what you really want in life, where the path lead doesn’t matter, does it? You could choose to wait there, trying to figure it out and let the world walk by or choose to carry on down any paths and see where it leaded you. I personally choose the latter.

To me life is like a discovery journey best learn through the collection of mistakes both others and our own. What really define us are the choices that we made along the path rather then which path we had taken. If we ever venture into one that we don’t like, we can always make a U-turn, return to that cross road and start all over again. Every wrong path we traveled only help us better define what we want in life. The only downfall is; do you have to the courage to make that U-turn?

In life, if you dun learn to work for what you want, you have to learn to live with what you get.

I came across this interesting quote from a friend blog; “It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices.” Everyone is born unique, each having unique talent, abilities, physical aspect, etc. That is why I dun have any problem with girls using their beauty as a mean of achieving tools. I dun find that method any degrading then those achieved using talent or abilities.

Dun be surprise by what beautiful girls can get away with in life with relatively mini or no effort. But what baffle me most was seeing drop dead gorgeous girls chooses to work their head off instead. It is only human instinct that one often takes the path with least resistance. The only reason that I can think of is that they either love what they do or that they are damage.

Damage as in the sense of having gone through lots of bitter pasts, which some how; craft the character that is now them. I find such girls particularly interesting. Once bitten twice shy. Everyone learn to protect themselves in a way or another, but few ever retain the kind of trust and confidence that they once had.

Some work hard, believing in the faith that hardship generally bring a better tomorrow. Others I am clueless. But one thing I am sure of, they are complicated. That is what made them so fascinating, with a certain kind of charm attached.

Talk
less and listen more. Gain more and yet losing little. Everyone knows the
wisdom in that. It is even easier to execute it, simply filter your thought and
only reveal what you think the listener wish to hear or is acceptable. The
other part even easier, just hears and does selective listening if needed. So
what is so bad about that? Isn’t that the same as wearing a mask, just to fit in
the crowd? Wearing the mask one time too many and you risk becoming the mask. Soon
you wonder if you losses the freedom to even express freely without fear of
criticism and side effect. Human are such ironic creature. They often want to
be on both side of the fence.

Do
you impress the person with the real you, hopping that they will still genuine
be impress after witnessing your flaw? Or package yourself around that person acceptance,
hopping that once accepted, they will overlook your flaw?

Just
be yourself. How I wish life is that simple. The young have little to lose
hence the freedom attach to it. The old have too much to hold on hence the
desire to retain.

Last morning, instead of the usual knock from my sis, (well she is my live alarm) I got woken up by the cooking of my mum. Can’t even begin to tell how great that kind of feeling was. Waking up to the smell of food can be such a luxury!

Back in the days at UK, I have to actually cook for 3 meals a days for 7 years. That, my friends, is a pain in the arse. It is either packing lunch box or buying crappy overprice sandwich on a jam pack queue. When night fall, the option available doesn’t get any better. The junk foods available are, Chinese take away, pizza, fish&chip or balti (Indian take away). Not only are they costly, far away if they dun do delivery or met the minimum purchase (no delivery mean going out on a freezing nite just to get food), but the standard and quality of the food will force you to rather waste 2 hours cooking then to live on those instant food. Cooking aint the hard part, but if you add in the washing up and stocking of raw material from market weekly, not to mention eating alone can really dampen once mood. Worse when the cooking turns far from edible, it can really ruin the day and bring the already staving, tired, low morale to new low level.

Now, those simple thing in life that was once taken for granted, are really treasure. Simple thing such as coming home and find food on the table can be such as pure delight. Thanks you mum.

Why do we work? So that
we get to collect more stuff and live from one pay check to the next? Most people
only have a few genuine interests and the rest are just filler. So if we don’t
work what else can we be doing? You can only play and have this much fun before
you get bore again and back to square one. Maybe that is just me.

Someone once told me this;
‘You crave a simple life, you desire it a lot, simply because you can’t have
it. Let face it, you are complicated.’ I enjoy the finer thing in life and rejoice
in it simplicity. Somehow I not content with it. Life has to be more then just about
getting what we want. Most people settle for a 9/5 job, family, a holiday once
a year, a house, a car, etc. Beside the humanly part, we still end up being a
collector.

Me? I want to treat each
day as the very first that I was born into. Everyday is as refreshing and full
of new discovery to be made. But in reality, it is more like SSDD, same shit
different day. I can’t help thinking of way out. How do we justify having lived
without having to resort to stuffs we acquired during our life time as a mean
of measurement? I rather it be judge by the experience that we been through.
But what are the chances that our life’s story be remotely interesting that
anyone will even care to look? You might say that we live for our own and not
for others, so why even care? The fact is I care, coz I always know one thing,
human are created ½ complete and that true happiness lies in sharing. What is
the point of working/ fighting so hard for something if u has no one to share
it with?

My path is a simple one,
find a soul mate and share our life and experience it together in whatever we
do every day. The only obstacle left in it way, is the money issue. It might be
troublesome but simple and straight forward to overcome. So other then that,
finding the so call one true soul mate in the only complicated part in life. I
guess if everything in life is so simple, where is the fun in living?

In life, sometime you win
sometime you lost and once you accept that, everything is simple. Of coz except
women, which are always as complicated as ever! After all, what more can be said
other then C’est la vie

The harder people try to be the opposite of their parents, the quicker they become them. Funny as it might sound, it is a fact. So I guess the only true way to be different is to accept the way they are and leave it at that. Be what you are without trying to be someone else.

Close my
eye and dream up of wonderful place with you in it,

Take a deep
breath and smell your scent carry on the wind,

Raise my
hand and feel your soft hair through my finger,

Listen to
the beating of your heart with each breath,

Taste the lingering
sweetness of your kiss,

Feel the warmth
when we cuddle,

Wholeness
being with you,

Miss you so…..

It seems to me that people have vast potential. Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people don’t. They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever.

Love is really a
mystery thing. It never fails to amaze or surprise me. Every time I
thought I know so much about it, it just give me a flick and I am back
where I was, confused and lost. Last week, a girl told me that when it
comes to love, there is actually a certain threshold, gauge or
measurement to it. Well, not that you can put a number to it but it can
be classified into 2 categories.

First,
if she love you a lot, but not enough that she won’t turn tail and
leave the moment a better suitor come along or when shit hit the fence
in the relationship. There is no way of telling or knowing. Coz that
happens to married coupler too.   

For
the other love, it is the one that she love you so much that no matter
what or how much Bull Shit (BS) the guys throw at them, the girl will
always take stick with them. The guy might leave them for another girl
but later return when that new relationship doesn’t work out. Yet the
girl always let them back. Why coz they learn their lesson? LoL. Who
you trying to kid?

Once a girl fallen completely for a guy, you can be
amaze just how much BS the girl can endure in the name of love. Is it
because they become too dependent on they guys? Coz all girls like to
be protected, pamper and look after by guys that once they got so used
to it that renounce their ability to live alone? That they start
falling apart the moment that guy is no longer in their equation? Was
it
this fear that kept them in crappy relationship? Or just the longing
that thing used to be better and might be again? Normally the girl only
left when she broke down or the guy drop dead suddenly… haha tough luck on that
happenning..   

I
know all this coz I see it happening all the time around me and I did
play my part in such relationship before. Try as I might, I dun think I
am going to understand it, but one thing I do know is, if the girl is
willing to put up with so much BS in a relationship, she is definitely
one person that you can relied on and share your life with till old
age. The sad thing is most guy dun realise the love that they had till
thing turn so sour till the extended of no turning back.